Steps

God made someone influential in the early part of my music career in 2004. In October 2010, that person was killed.


I was a junior in high school. I had just overcome much of my depression and was in a new school now after flunking out of the last one. As quiet as I was back in high school, its almost hard to imagine that I’d meet anyone that would become an essential part of my life beyond a school setting. I can’t remember exactly how this person and I met, but our introduction to each other must’ve  been the product of hearsay. Either I heard he made beats then eventually approached him, or, he heard about me (yea right) and he came to me. OK, yea, I must’ve introduced myself to him one day. We never had any classes together and he was a grade under me. I didn’t congregate with others in the cafeteria and was very much an introvert…so…let’s just stick with the scenario of me walking up to him in a hallway one day and telling him about what I do.


Well, from that point we exchanged contact information. One day after school ended, I decided to catch the bus with him back to his house. I’d normally catch the bus to my grandma’s house but since they both stayed on the Westside, going to my buds house wasn’t too far out of the way. When we made it to his house, he pointed out an old Porsche that was sitting at the side of his house. It belonged to a family member but he was telling me that one day it would be his. I started to think to myself, “This guy’s peoples must have money. I bet he has all type of music equipment and software on the inside.” Little to my surprise, I was right. We walked up to the third floor, pass the library (yes I said “library), and into his room. We’re straight in the hood and this dude has a mini library in his house. That’s just unheard of! But anyway, we get into his room and he has a small studio set up in it. It was totally smashing the little digital recorder and microphone I had back at home. He showed me his microphone, computer, and if I can remember correctly, a mixer. There was tons of other stuff too. But check this: dude had a frickin elevator in his room! It didn’t work anymore but still…still! He talked about having Pro Tools (the professional, standard program of recording) and I didn’t even know what the heck that was back then. I just played along like I knew what he was talking about. I didn’t want to seem too far behind his knowledge that he’d start to lose respect for me or the beats I was about to play for him.


So I played him a couple of my beats that I burned to CD. I made the beats on my discontinued Optimus keyboard synthesizer that I owned. Thinking back now, those beats were so crappy but my level wasn’t so far behind his that he wasn’t impressed. I just did the best I could with what I had. He played me some of his beats and I thought that they were so much better than mine. He said that he used Fruity Loops. I had the same program but I didn’t make beats on it too much because I wasn’t satisfied with the stock instruments. I told him about this and he introduced me to soundfonts (basically a collection of better quality instruments that you could use inside the Fruity Loops program). He gave me some and I fell in love with making music on the computer. I put away my keyboard for good and made beats strictly on the computer. The quality of instruments seemed realistic although today they wouldn’t stand a chance compared to what’s offered. Two years later, one of the very beats I produced after getting the soundfonts made it to a national recording artist’s album. Please don’t ask for the artist or the song. Not really trying to have that part of my resume anymore, haha. But if you can find out, I’ll give you a reward. A cookie maybe.


But back to all seriousness, it was tragic news hearing that my bud was killed in late 2010. He was shot right at his house. We talked about a possible collab years ago but it never happened. I wonder how he felt after he found out I was succeeding in my music and his career hadn’t come too far off the ground. This also makes me think of the people in my past that helped me get to where I am today and how I surpassed their level. Its not like I never attempted to pull them up with me. If you know me, you know that I’m a giver, a servant, a helper. I know that they’re currently where they are because that’s the way God wanted it to be. No matter how much I tried to bring people with me, no matter how hard I wanted to push them, God was the one who made the final decision if they were to go with me.


Some friends are like barricades. Some friends are like building blocks. Some friends are like stepping stones. But my bud here was a stepping stone in an even more positive way. Not only did I learn from him, he was the stone I put my foot on to get me higher. A stone that was like solid ground: a foundation. The foundation that put me on a newer level in my career as a music producer. Without him being in my life, my story could’ve taken an alternate course. God used him to ultimately get me to where I am today. And I’m still going…

 

NORTH ST. LOUIS, MO (KTVI-FOX2now.com) — A plea for justice from the family of a young man gunned down behind his father's home. Mourners attended a candlelight vigil Monday night for the victim. There are no answers and no leads. Agassi Swisher, 21, was shot and killed at the edge of his father's driveway. Those who loved him stood by candlelight chanting his name to the heavens. Nearly 100 people attended the vigil at the very spot where he was murdered last Monday.

His father says he heard three shots that night and instantly knew his son was in trouble. Harvey Swisher found his Agassi dead on the concrete behind his home near the intersection of Page and Union.

Agassi Swisher was getting ready to release a hip hop album. He was also getting ready to be a father. His baby girl is coming on the very day Agassi was laid to rest. 

His mom Dina Howard said," He was so excited, he talked about it all the time. He couldn't wait to hold her finger and hold her. This wasn't supposed to happen." His uncle, Charles Howard, said, "If you did this and you see me turn yourself in that is the best thing you can do because god is going to hunt you for days."

The Swisher family believes Agassi was targeted but don't know why anyone would try to harm him. 

Pure? Nahhh

If I were to tell you of a man whose never been in a relationship, has yet to have a romantic date, is a virgin, doesn’t display affection often, refused to initiate sexual convos all but once, and has never kissed, would you believe that he really existed? Now let’s up the ante: What if this person was 22, from the hood but doesn’t engage in the likelihood of the stereotypes, blah, blah, blah. Well let me stop talking about myself. Yea, yea. Go ahead and pick up your jaw. Yes I said, “myself,” as in “me,” “moi,” DJ. 


Well there you have it. People like me do exist. When I told one of my female friends, Jojo, she was amazed.


“Im proud of u cuz u display the rare number of males that chose not to experience actual sexual involvement. That  amazes me u really take it all serious and aint nuthin wrong with that. Its a purifying feeling though for ur spirit im sure. Its very very rare to find any male that has never done anything at all.”


Ok, hold up Jojo. Before you go off calling me “pure” or any derivative like the other 3 people I’ve told (and now you all), there was an issue I struggled with until I got more educated in the Word last year. You ready for it? Masturbation.


1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 hit me like a brick. Years before running into this passage, I considered others’ arguments like, “Its not specifically written in the Bible,” or, “Onan was only punished because by spilling his seed, he orchestrated an uncustomary act in refusing to produce offspring for his deceased brother.” Well, both of these arguments may be true, but God still wants us to refrain from sexual immorality and to also learn to control our own body in a holy and honorable manner. Intercourse, masturbation, and lust fall under immoralities. 


“Well DJ, I’m not imagining anyone in my head while I’m doing it.”


You’re still wrong because you’re lusting after a sacred act that should be done between a husband and wife. Check this: would you do it if you saw God sitting right next you? Well He really is, being that He is ubiquitous. My issue first started when I was 14. I didn’t even want to do it but just hearing about it so much in school & tv  got me interested. Now, I didn’t have cable at home until I went off to college at 18. I didn’t have a working radio. I didn’t even have the internet at home until I was 15 and all the lustful things that I didn’t see on tv or hear on the radio were definitely there on the computer. Music videos, song lyrics, etc. Talk about fuel to the fire. It wasn’t until I got surrounded by a lot of these worldly things that I found myself losing self-control. 


So that’s the brief explanation of why I’m not as pure as some may think I am. The issue stated above is no longer an issue so you don’t have to worry about that. But I still have yet to be in a relationship and experience many “firsts” including kissing. And even if I do get into a relationship and still don’t do it, don’t fret. I love you so much as to treat you with a respect, grace, and specialty beyond others in accordance with God.

Heart (Short Poem)

Your heart has been softened that you may not disqualify me, my angel.
God has sent you to me with imperfections, with pain, but indeed you were sent from God.
I have not shared a kiss with a woman on this earth. I have not given any a piece of me that belongs to God-You-Me, as one. 
A kiss.
My lips have not touched another’s but I will not say that the words that come from them have not touched the hearts of many.
They passed me by but you have granted me grace. For I didn’t look, sound, or feel like the one they wanted.
Nor did I find my way into your liking at first glance. But your heart has shifted. 
Our marriage didn’t start at the alter, but when we both were given the breath of life.
That is where our vows began. And I kept them. I believed in you as you did with me.
Thank you.

Worth A Thousand Words

Just wanted to do a quick post.


While I was reading my Bible last night, I let my computer go through a file deletion process to free up space. I came across 3 hard drive backup folders that my computer must’ve created over time that were taking up the majority of my memory. I decided to get rid of them because I had nothing of value on this computer. Minutes pass and suddenly I heard an error noise. Apparently there was something my computer didn’t want to delete so it stopped the whole process. As I navigated through the backup folders to see what it was, I came across some familiar looking folder names. Folders I created years ago and had forgotten. I found a few folders that contained pictures that I saved. Inside one of them was the only picture I kept from my whole high school student tenure.


I went to several high schools because of depression and the affects of it. I kept mostly to myself and didn’t get involved with extra-curricular activities. I stayed away from cafeterias and auditorium sessions because I didn’t want to be around people. I even caught the bus in desolate places to avoid the kids that used to taunt me on the street. I didn’t take any pictures with the people I befriended in school or outside of school. I let my depression take control of my life and starting cutting at age 15. I went from fat to being very underweight due to over exercising and starving myself, sometimes eating just one sandwich per day. My cystic acne made me embarrassed to even be seen because my face would spontaneously bleed and the scars and bumps looked bad. This has to be one of the rarest pictures of me.


By the time I took this pic, much of my depression was dormant. It was during the last month of my senior year in high school in May 2006. My acne had mostly cleared up after years of taking the controversial drug Accutane. I weighed about 155 pounds, the highest I had ever been in my life to date. It was after the only dance I had went to all throughout high school; the senior prom. I went alone but I wasn’t bothered too much by it. I was playing at my last high school band concert. 


I boldly stand now with a renewed spirit in Christ that will never be put in the hands of man again. 2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Why I Removed Myself

God really showed me, haha. He really, really showed me. From 11 years old until about age 20, my dream was to become a successful, renowned music producer. I had everything going in my favor. Over the years I accumulated major placements, dozens of opportunities, countless connections, and magazine articles. I had this narrow focus going on with my vision to become a great hip-hop, pop, and r&b producer. All of these accomplishments and opportunities just made my vision go from narrow to laser-pointed. They were like, affirmations, I guess you could say. Cosigns from God, if you will, of Him telling me, “Yea, you’re correct DJ. You’re gonna be producing for plenty artists in the industry. Ooooh how wrong I was; well kinda.


Ok, let’s rewind. Let’s go back to when I was under the age of 11. My grandma was still alive. She stayed 3 doors down the street from the apartment complex I stayed at. I would walk there everyday before school to eat breakfast. Just before leaving out the door to go to school, she would have me recite scriptures and say a prayer. Sometimes after school, I would go back to her house and we would read passages out of my pre-teen Bible study books.  I didn’t have cable tv, only had one friend that I hung with at my house, and most of solitary moments were spent playing around on my keyboard (this was before I started making hip-hop beats). The only radio I heard was from riding with my mom and aunts, listening to the local gospel station. I rarely heard hip-hop. That was only when I rode with my older cousins. 


I was basically in my own little world. Sheltered: protected from many things. Then middle school came. I was now in a different world. The kids cussed a lot more. Across the field during recess, I could see kids engaging in activities that would sometimes lead to sexual games. I was starting to see myself as fat and ugly based off the things they would say to me. They considered me geeky. I wanted to change myself in order to belong. I adopted this new way of thinking and gradually dropped my grandma‘s teachings. I started listening to new kinds of music. My grandma got cable tv at her house so I started watching new shows. I was indulging in all these new things because it was taboo. It was stuff either my family forbid me to see or shows that my peers looked at. I looked at them too in order to fit in. Yep, didn’t seem like none of these new things were hurting me. Always thought my feet were pretty much so grounded with God that I couldn’t fall.


Jumping to my teen years. 


I’ve been to a club just once in my life. I only went to one house party also. The atmosphere was just the same. People vulgarly dancing on each other, spreading lustful ideas to their partner or to all of those that were watching. There were those who were indulging in drinks until it left themselves free of any care in the world. Some would just drink to give themselves an excuse to act even more inappropriately. There may be some drug use here and there. The type of music they played advocated erotic behavior, belligerence, bigotry toward their fellow man, objectified women, and overall, opposed the teachings of what is right. You even have much violence surrounded by these clubs. They were popping up everywhere and targeting the youth. Its gotten to the point where the people are inviting each other to attend through flyers that emit lustful images of women. And the women are whole-heartedly allowing themselves to be used as a tool. And they have the KIDS making them, smh. They have teams set up where they have provocatively dressed models to lure folks in using lust. Artists and promoters go there to achieve fame , glory, and money; putting their own word and desires before God. In what way can any of this bring us closer to God? Huh? Anything that hinders your walk with God should no longer be part in your life. You need to learn balance and moderation. You need to learn what is the true intentions of the people you‘re working with, the artists you‘re listening to, etc. Just because they say that they want to help people, doesn’t mean they really are. A lot of our leaders are misguided and are actually hurting the people with their actions. You have those that are affiliated with all of this just because they want to feel like they belong. The saddest part is when those same ones start making excuses for themselves to continue on, leading upon their own understanding and comfort. And its all surrounded by music. Music was the beat, the beat was the pulse, and the club was the heart that contained the pulse. Where does your heart stand when you’re feeding it all these things? I hope its not like the club. Is it full of lust, self ambition, money, desire for attention, or wanting to belong? Look deeper into yourself, kid. If we love our neighbor, it is our responsibility to not cause them to sin: From the clothing you wear in front of others, ideas you express to others, and a numerous amount of other things. I definitely didn’t see all of this coming just by associating myself in the culture. I had to stop myself before I would start  to fall down that wrong path. Believe me, sometimes you’ll see yourself sinking into something before you can even catch it coming.


I made a choice to hide myself. I made a choice to give up what I aspired because I realized how detrimental it was. I’m so glad to see that God gave me that early success in music just in order for me to gain the connections for working in television (That’s another blog post). There’s a problem when I turn just once every few months to 106 & Park and see the whole crowd of kids cussing with the lyrics of the performer and the adults just sitting back, smiling, and encouraging the energy. Our world has a problem when we can look at something like that, daily, with apathy. I can’t allow myself to be associated with a culture that instills negative values in the kids today. This is the very reason why I separated myself & made myself unattainable to many people. I was fed up with seeing this cycle in our community. First, you have the kids that fall victim to the impoverishment of Blacks through songs that glorify stupidity, drugs, sex, bigotry, etc. They fall in love with these songs & fail to see that the music does indeed govern their way of thinking. Second, you have those who remain apathetic, indifferent, or impartial to those who are actually worthy of support. And I'm so tired of seeing women (and men) sell sex.....all.....the.....time. Especially when so many young  people have porn addictions. But what do they do?: continue watching the sex being sold to them, feeding their appetite. And for some, that addiction even perpetuates itself into the ways the addict expresses themselves. They will talk more sexually, act more sexually, create sexual music, literature, etc. (I wasn’t into porn that much but masturbation was my weakness. But that’s another blog post too). Its horrible when I see the affect it has on younger girls trying to mimic this with vulgar pics on Facebook, presenting themselves in a  negative light in society, and carrying themselves the way they were taught in these demoralizing lyrics. 


When I look at all this, it just takes me back to middle school recess. Standing by the fence, alone, watching the kids play. My grandma is no longer alive, but I’m gradually reverting back to the things that she taught me. I’m going back to my roots. 


Matthew 15:13-14 - He (Jesus) replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”


Don’t be afraid to go back to your roots. I know a lot of us were brought up the same. 


Jeremiah 17:7-8 - But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord; whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; it’s leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

I Might Win Some But I Just Lost None

Let’s jump all the way back to December 31, 2009. Earlier that year I reconnected with an old friend and ultimately we started to hang out again. We were celebrating the coming of a new year along with one of his other buds. I was invited to hit up a casino that they usually go to. No gambling, just mingling with the folks around the main bar.


I met this old friend during our freshman year in college back in 2006. We would play pool in the dorms and play video games at his apartment on campus. Toward the end of our first semester, he started going to the hospital a lot. One of the times he came back, he told me that he received a blood transfusion. This was very shocking news to me but common to him. He had sickle-cell disease. With more hospital visits, he missed more class and wound up dropping out before the second semester. It was sad to hear that he dealt with this disease all of his life. It kept him from keeping a job, going to school, having a normal social life, and God knows what else.


I lost contact with him after December of 2006 but reconnected somehow in the Spring of 2009. I fail to remember how we reconnected but indeed we did. 2009 was a hard year for me. Around the time my college bud and I met up again was during a time when God was replenishing my soul. I attended a church event with another friend I met in 2009 and the main sermon was about emptying out “tainted water” so that our “cup would be filled new.” Church folk know what I’m talking about, haha. Little did I know, God was doing just that with me. I was so caught up in grief and despair that I was blind of the whole process. That’s also another story so look out for another blog post.


When my old college bud and I reconnected, I started to go over to his house. He stayed with his mother and sisters. He had a desolate room in the basement. When I walked in for the first time, I saw many open books on his bed. His room was surrounded with literature but his book of choice was the Bible. I discovered he was very knowledgeable of the Bible also. And when I say knowledgeable, I’m talking almost scholarly. Well that’s just my opinion. I know his faith in God has kept him grounded because one can easily fall from their walk with God if they’ve been through an ongoing battle with a disease. I learned a lot through conversations with him. Time spent around him got me back to reading the Bible and helped renew my spark in the Word.


Now let’s jump forward to December of 2009 again. The New Year’s celebration went well. It was the first time I celebrated without being at a church or at home. The atmosphere was bananas. Balloons were dropping from the ceiling, music was blasting, and people were  dancing in the aisles. We decided to stay after midnight to mingle a while longer. I got a phone call at 3am.


It was my mom. She was slightly distraught. Her first words were of her explaining that she was alright. See, my mom was caught in the middle of a high speed chase. She was leaving her church’s new year’s service when a fleeing car sped through an intersection and hit her car. After the car had flipped a number of times, the chase was at an end. Dozens of police surrounded the scene with their guns drawn but there was no need of that. Firefighters used the Jaws of Life to dismantle the totaled car and pull out the culprits. My older cousin, who was also inside my mom‘s car, said she saw tarps pulled out for the bodies but wasn’t totally sure. Her mind, as well as my mother’s, was still overwrought from stress. Also, if it wasn't for my mom's car being in that exact spot, dozens of people exiting the church could have been hit my the fleeing car. The car was heading straight toward the exit. See how God used a tragedy to save more lives? To this day, my mom and cousin have not been paid for damages nor has their been a court case. Obviously, there is something deeper about this whole situation that my family is being kept in the dark about. I’m just glad they were able to come home without a scratch.


In later 2010, my dad was found a bloody mess in the middle of the street but that’s also another story. He still alive…he’s still alive, don’t worry. I’m gonna get to that story later. 


Its by God’s grace that my family is alive and doing well. I’m glad that my old college bud is alive and that he was brought back in my life. I didn’t have anyone to hang with. Not only did I gain a companion, he was also a vessel that helped me get closer with God. I thought I’d never see him again but he came back in my life more important than ever. You truly never know the purpose of someone when you first meet them. And most importantly, I am alive. One thing did die in 2010. That was my old spirit.

Happy New Year!!

This vid contains parts of Unveil The Mask