Why I Removed Myself

God really showed me, haha. He really, really showed me. From 11 years old until about age 20, my dream was to become a successful, renowned music producer. I had everything going in my favor. Over the years I accumulated major placements, dozens of opportunities, countless connections, and magazine articles. I had this narrow focus going on with my vision to become a great hip-hop, pop, and r&b producer. All of these accomplishments and opportunities just made my vision go from narrow to laser-pointed. They were like, affirmations, I guess you could say. Cosigns from God, if you will, of Him telling me, “Yea, you’re correct DJ. You’re gonna be producing for plenty artists in the industry. Ooooh how wrong I was; well kinda.


Ok, let’s rewind. Let’s go back to when I was under the age of 11. My grandma was still alive. She stayed 3 doors down the street from the apartment complex I stayed at. I would walk there everyday before school to eat breakfast. Just before leaving out the door to go to school, she would have me recite scriptures and say a prayer. Sometimes after school, I would go back to her house and we would read passages out of my pre-teen Bible study books.  I didn’t have cable tv, only had one friend that I hung with at my house, and most of solitary moments were spent playing around on my keyboard (this was before I started making hip-hop beats). The only radio I heard was from riding with my mom and aunts, listening to the local gospel station. I rarely heard hip-hop. That was only when I rode with my older cousins. 


I was basically in my own little world. Sheltered: protected from many things. Then middle school came. I was now in a different world. The kids cussed a lot more. Across the field during recess, I could see kids engaging in activities that would sometimes lead to sexual games. I was starting to see myself as fat and ugly based off the things they would say to me. They considered me geeky. I wanted to change myself in order to belong. I adopted this new way of thinking and gradually dropped my grandma‘s teachings. I started listening to new kinds of music. My grandma got cable tv at her house so I started watching new shows. I was indulging in all these new things because it was taboo. It was stuff either my family forbid me to see or shows that my peers looked at. I looked at them too in order to fit in. Yep, didn’t seem like none of these new things were hurting me. Always thought my feet were pretty much so grounded with God that I couldn’t fall.


Jumping to my teen years. 


I’ve been to a club just once in my life. I only went to one house party also. The atmosphere was just the same. People vulgarly dancing on each other, spreading lustful ideas to their partner or to all of those that were watching. There were those who were indulging in drinks until it left themselves free of any care in the world. Some would just drink to give themselves an excuse to act even more inappropriately. There may be some drug use here and there. The type of music they played advocated erotic behavior, belligerence, bigotry toward their fellow man, objectified women, and overall, opposed the teachings of what is right. You even have much violence surrounded by these clubs. They were popping up everywhere and targeting the youth. Its gotten to the point where the people are inviting each other to attend through flyers that emit lustful images of women. And the women are whole-heartedly allowing themselves to be used as a tool. And they have the KIDS making them, smh. They have teams set up where they have provocatively dressed models to lure folks in using lust. Artists and promoters go there to achieve fame , glory, and money; putting their own word and desires before God. In what way can any of this bring us closer to God? Huh? Anything that hinders your walk with God should no longer be part in your life. You need to learn balance and moderation. You need to learn what is the true intentions of the people you‘re working with, the artists you‘re listening to, etc. Just because they say that they want to help people, doesn’t mean they really are. A lot of our leaders are misguided and are actually hurting the people with their actions. You have those that are affiliated with all of this just because they want to feel like they belong. The saddest part is when those same ones start making excuses for themselves to continue on, leading upon their own understanding and comfort. And its all surrounded by music. Music was the beat, the beat was the pulse, and the club was the heart that contained the pulse. Where does your heart stand when you’re feeding it all these things? I hope its not like the club. Is it full of lust, self ambition, money, desire for attention, or wanting to belong? Look deeper into yourself, kid. If we love our neighbor, it is our responsibility to not cause them to sin: From the clothing you wear in front of others, ideas you express to others, and a numerous amount of other things. I definitely didn’t see all of this coming just by associating myself in the culture. I had to stop myself before I would start  to fall down that wrong path. Believe me, sometimes you’ll see yourself sinking into something before you can even catch it coming.


I made a choice to hide myself. I made a choice to give up what I aspired because I realized how detrimental it was. I’m so glad to see that God gave me that early success in music just in order for me to gain the connections for working in television (That’s another blog post). There’s a problem when I turn just once every few months to 106 & Park and see the whole crowd of kids cussing with the lyrics of the performer and the adults just sitting back, smiling, and encouraging the energy. Our world has a problem when we can look at something like that, daily, with apathy. I can’t allow myself to be associated with a culture that instills negative values in the kids today. This is the very reason why I separated myself & made myself unattainable to many people. I was fed up with seeing this cycle in our community. First, you have the kids that fall victim to the impoverishment of Blacks through songs that glorify stupidity, drugs, sex, bigotry, etc. They fall in love with these songs & fail to see that the music does indeed govern their way of thinking. Second, you have those who remain apathetic, indifferent, or impartial to those who are actually worthy of support. And I'm so tired of seeing women (and men) sell sex.....all.....the.....time. Especially when so many young  people have porn addictions. But what do they do?: continue watching the sex being sold to them, feeding their appetite. And for some, that addiction even perpetuates itself into the ways the addict expresses themselves. They will talk more sexually, act more sexually, create sexual music, literature, etc. (I wasn’t into porn that much but masturbation was my weakness. But that’s another blog post too). Its horrible when I see the affect it has on younger girls trying to mimic this with vulgar pics on Facebook, presenting themselves in a  negative light in society, and carrying themselves the way they were taught in these demoralizing lyrics. 


When I look at all this, it just takes me back to middle school recess. Standing by the fence, alone, watching the kids play. My grandma is no longer alive, but I’m gradually reverting back to the things that she taught me. I’m going back to my roots. 


Matthew 15:13-14 - He (Jesus) replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”


Don’t be afraid to go back to your roots. I know a lot of us were brought up the same. 


Jeremiah 17:7-8 - But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord; whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; it’s leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”